A Dark Place

Sorry folks, this one is not gonna be fun.

Note: This post is pretty raw, and has some colorful language.

I am pissed.

Check that.

I am fucking pissed. And I am sad.

Because I fear that the United States, a nation based on the rule of law, a nation I have loved my whole life, has been laid waste in merely a fortnight. And I don’t know that we can reverse course.

Photo credit https://www.ephotozine.com/user/philt2-119459

I spent the weekend in fear, wondering what it meant that an unelected, unconfirmed person, with no security clearance, was able to take over the Federal payment mechanism and single-handedly shut down a critical American agency. Make no mistake: This was a coup. This is 100% illegal. And instead of Elon Musk cooling his heels in a DC cell, he has moved on to the next agency on his list, while Democratic congressmen were denied entrance to the building they ostensibly pay for.

I felt better yesterday. I saw my US Senator Chris Murphy speaking at the doors to USAID, calling out Elon Musk. I saw what looked like action. But this morning it just feels like it’s all come crashing down. Between seeing GOP Senators (non-surprisingly) cave to Trump and announce that both Tulsi Gabbard and RFK Jr. will be confirmed to their Cabinet positions to watching Democratic “Leadership” fail, yet again, to meet the moment… I am just spent.

I just posted this in a politics group that I am a part of, where I have generally tried to be a voice of reason and optimism:

Taking it a step further... If the GOP doesn't realize that putting Tulsi Fucking Gabbard in charge of all of our spies is opening the intelligence community to Putin, then they are fucking stupid. We (the USA) has fucked up our turn at ruling the world, let's let Russia and China fight it out now. I am done giving a shit about morons, enablers, sycophants, the whole deal.

I will just pull a page from their book. I will make sure me and mine are as protected as I can make them then I will sit back and watch the chaos that they have unleashed.

At first I was kinda shocked that these words came from my hand. But then I thought about it… Why should I continue to “play nice” with my words? The actions of the current administration and it’s GOP enablers in Congress are going to cost real lives. Shuttering USAID will have long term effects abroad, which will destabilize entire regions, seeding the ground to foster anti-American sentiment.

I have always heard about how things fail slowly, then all at once. I had always heard it in the context of bad things, like autocracies. I never imagined that it would be the United States.

I will continue to write here, even if I have become that which I despised… the angry guy, railing against the status quo. The content may not be hopeful anymore, as I feel it will become documentation of what I now consider to be the inevitable fall of the American way of life.

And, honestly, that may not be a bad thing. Perhaps we will be able to build something new, when the backlash comes. I guess I was just hoping that Americans would wake up and realize what is happening, that the very people who put this regime in power will likely be the first to be significantly hurt by it… and do something. Maybe I was hoping that it wouldn’t take pain, for anyone, to move past Trumpism.

But apparently this is what people want. So, they get it. In all honesty, I am somewhat protected. I live in a deep blue state with a pretty good buffer between us and MAGA, my kids are, for the most part, grown and can take care of themselves. I am older, can pass for white, and male. I will obviously worry for my friends in red states, my friends and family who are LGBTQ+, and I will continue to feel empathy for the millions of people who did not buy into this bullshit. But I can’t save the world.

Hell, maybe I truly am the outlier. I go through life and see most people just... living. Enjoying themselves. They don't seem, at least externally, to be consumed by all this bullshit the way I am. I envy them... I wish I could just turn it off and not care.

Also… I could be wrong. Wouldn’t be the first time. I am an emotional guy, sometimes to a fault. I guess we will see. I hope I am wrong and overreacting.

Do you feel the same way? Do you have hope where I do not? Leave a note in the comments if you would like.

Take care of yourselves.